Rockstar?
by Ariadne Bassarid
Summary: Is Seto Kaiba really the japanese rockstar Gackt? The media comes up with the strangest theories... [SetoxSerenity, oneshot for Setine]


_**Rockstar?**_

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Important Author's Note: As you may or may not know, this was written as part of a livejournal request meme. The fabulous _Setine_ asked for _Shizuka x Gackt!Seto_ _x Kaiba,_ and I obliged her after taking some crack. No, not really. Don't do drugs, kids. _Don't do drugs_. No drugs were involved in the making of this suspiciously crack-like bunny. Anyway, my **disclaimer** here is that I'm not (maliciously) making fun of or plagiarising Setine in any way. She told me to post it here. K? Got that? Great. Then by all means, proceed.

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"Setoooo!" Mokuba burst into the office on the top floor of Kaiba Corp, as he was wont to do. "They've finally discovered your secret!"

"What?" the Kaiba in question barked. "What are you talking about, Mokuba? And why aren't you in school?"

Mokuba rolled his eyes. "Uh, it's seven o clock? I was just passing by and thought I'd come show this to my poor, hard-working big brother…Were you asleep at your desk again?"

"Don't be silly," Kaiba responded, though his younger brother didn't fail to notice that he hadn't actually answered the question.

"Anyway, I just thought you ought to see this." Mokuba held up a magazine.

Kaiba tried to jog his memory as to what he'd been doing on his computer, by flicking around the open windows on the dual screens in front of him. "…You know I don't care about the media, what a waste of time…" he muttered.

"Well, you'll care about this one." Mokuba opened it, and held up a picture.

Kaiba, despite himself, looked up. "… '_Is Seto Kaiba Gackt?_'?" he read incredulously. A headshot of himself stared back. It was a slightly fuzzy paparazzi shot of him wearing a wide pair of grey-tinted sunglasses. Next to that was a similar shot of the Japanese rockstar wearing the exact same pair.

Rockstar. Kaiba almost snorted out loud. Right, if that's what you called rock music.

"Where on earth do they get this garbage?" he wondered out loud. Well okay, he reconsidered, squinting… From that angle, they DID look kind of similar…

"Garbage, eh?" Mokuba laughed. "You'd better watch out. They could be on to something. 'A source close to the CEO has revealed…'" he read aloud, " '…Penchant for dark glasses… Never in the same place at the same time… rumoured that Kaiba once sang "Vanilla" at a karaoke bar'?"

"I did not!" Damn Wheeler and his stupid dares… Damn Serenity for making him go to that stupid party at all… And damn the media for knowing about everything he'd ever done…

Mokuba began to sing the song in question, sashaying about the room and shaking his hips – which was one of the last things Kaiba had wanted to see his seventeen year old brother doing.

"Mokuba! I'm trying to work, here!" Kaiba snapped.

Mokuba didn't take it personally. "Okay, okay… I just thought you might like to know. It's getting kind of weird. Last week the same person wrote an insane article about how you were really just a sentient robot."

Kaiba stared.

"And the week before that you were some kind of angel in a crazy galactic federation… And the week before THAT this 'Setine-chan' claimed you really got married to some chick in Las Vegas while you were drunk and you had it all hushed up… You didn't, did you?"

"I've never even been to Las Vegas!" Kaiba glared.

"Alright! Don't, like, burst a blood vessel, Seto." Mokuba grinned. "I'm going, already… Shall Serenity and I wait for you at home, or are you going to be too late to have dinner with us again?"

The older brother sighed. "Well, since I spent the two hours or so napping, I'm going to be a while catching up on what I was supposed to be doing…"

"Ha! I knew it! You know, if you came home on time and actually slept at night, this wouldn't happen. Okay, that's a scary glare, Seto. Okay, I'm really leaving now… I'll see you later, then." Mokuba backed his way out of the room, feigning terror at his brother's expression.

Kaiba stared at where Mokuba had left the magazine sitting on the desk. His fingers itched to pick it up and read the article. No… No… Well, maybe if the magazine was knocked to the floor and just happened to fall open in the right place. He nudged it gently with his fancy ink pen. It fell to the ground with a slap and revealed a page entitled, 'The Do-it-yourself Bikini Wax put to the test!'

Ah, screw it. He picked the magazine up and flipped through until he found the right page.

"… 'Leather pants'?" His lips silently mouthed the words. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Since when had he worn leather pants in public? In fact, when had he EVER worn them? Except for that one time when Serenity had…

He narrowed his eyes, and picked up the telephone to make some calls. The 'media' wasn't that omniscient.

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It was midnight by the time Kaiba entered the dark bedroom he shared with Serenity. He crawled across the bed. As he had expected, Serenity remained with her back to him.

"Sorry I'm late," he whispered, ignoring the fact that she was feigning sleep. "I had an important appointment."

Serenity was silent. Kaiba kissed her neck until she relented. "You always have an important appointment," she grumbled. "An important, very late one…"

"I know. I'm sorry I've been leaving you to fend for yourself a lot, lately."

As Serenity murmured a sound in agreement, Seto wrapped an arm around her, only slightly hindered by the blankets in between them.

"I'm sure you found some way to amuse yourself in the meantime, though."

"…I guess so."

Kaiba began to caress her earlobe with his lips, and Serenity made a happy sound. "Oh, _Setine_…" he breathed in her ear – and suddenly the girl's whole body stiffened. Kaiba grinned broadly from where he lay behind her.

"…Uh oh…" She muttered. "When did you find out?"

"This evening. Mokuba stopped by with a magazine."

"What was Mokuba doing with a women's magazine?" Serenity asked, curious.

"Telling me I looked like Gackt, that's what," Kaiba replied gruffly, and nipped her.

Serenity giggled. "I'm sorry! I was bored! And they paid me a big fat wad of cash! Apparently I'm a 'reliable source'…"

"You accepted cash to make up lies about your rich, handsome, fabulous fiancé?" Kaiba asked, feigning hurt. "I thought I meant more to you than that!"

"Seto, I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd - " Serenity turned around to apologise face-to-face, and shrieked. "What have done DONE?"

"What?"

"Seto, you're BLONDE!"

"Am I?" he responded, obtusely.

"Oh my god…" Her boyfriend appeared to be lying on top of the bed in black leather pants, and a fitted black t-shirt made out of an outrageous lycra material. And his hair was a white-blonde colour.

"What?" he goaded her.

"Why?" Serenity continued to shriek. "What happened to you?"

"Oh, I figured there was no point hiding the truth any longer." Seto grinned wickedly.

Serenity opened and closed her mouth several times, then reached over to switch on the beside light to confirm the horrible truth.

"What do you think?" Seto posed where he lay, putting one hand behind his head. "I think we could do a series of charity concerts together…"

"Please tell me that dye is temporary."

"Oh, they make temporary bleach, now?" Seto teased.

Serenity groaned. She tried tugging on the hair to check that it wasn't a wig. "And you're going to go out in public like that?"

"Well, maybe not with the leather pants…"

Serenity groaned again. "I'm engaged to a Gackt impersonator… I will never speak to a magazine about you again, I promise. Are you happy now?"

"Very." Kaiba responded.

"You're going to regret this when people start calling you by the wrong name."

"I don't know, I think after your magazine articles, people might just up and die when they realise I must have a sense of humour…"

"Has Mokuba seen you, yet?"

"I'll save that for when he's having breakfast. Preferably with a mouthful of milk."

"You're an evil, evil man." Serenity turned the light back off, and flopped back onto her pillow. She'd known when Seto found out, he would make some kind of point about what she'd done – only for a few laughs – well, and because he had been ignoring her a lot lately – but this was more than she'd expected. "…Wait until Gackt finds out," she mused out loud.

"Oh, he thought it was a great idea."

She stared into the blue eyes which were looking down at her in the darkness. "…You what?"

"He's actually going to dress as Seto Kaiba for a couple of weeks."

She hit Seto on the shoulder. "That's not funny."

"Oh, I beg to differ."

"…Are you serious?"

"How serious do you think I am?"

Sometimes, Kaiba's competitive attitude could be a big pain in the butt. "I'm going to sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning," Serenity said, trying to decide whether she was more horrifed or amused. Or turned on.

"Sleep?" Kaiba asked.

"Sleep."

"Are you sure about that…?"

A few minutes later, Serenity moaned. "Oh, Gackt…"

Kaiba paused what he was doing. "That's not funny."


End file.
